A story worth sharing 4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child. There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.
With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket! Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation: "Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles.
One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..." At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed.
When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy. A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up. However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games.
I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy..... Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too! Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's Syawal, and its Raya time. Everywhere the Raya spirit is in every passer-by...Raya song and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called.
Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.
His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy. My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..." After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say.... I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy.
My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash. And one of the letters broke my heart.... Dear Mummy, I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room.
I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear? After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife.... For the females with children: Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss.
Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious. For the married men: Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones. £º For those singles out there: Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.
Dapt jugak curi masa untuk mengepos entri yang aku akan merepek ni.Baru habes exam programming,soalan boleh tahan.Cukupla,lepas ni tak nak amek subjek programming.Memang tak berminat memeningkan kepala ni,kalo basic2 boleh lagi bila dah masuk part2 yang kene pusingkan kepala ni terasa malas la pulak.Cuaca hari ne betul2 membuatkan aku rindu dekat Malaysia.Sekarang ni tengah hujan,bila summer ni hujan galk betul turun.Tapi hujan dekat sini tidak sama dengan hujan di Malaysia sebabnya,hujan dekat sini mengandungu Sulfur,yeker?ye la kot sebab bila air bertakung serbuk2 warna kuning akan termendap.Kawan korea aku kata tu sulfur atau plumbum.Sebab tu lah first time aku terkena hujan dekat sini terus rasa pening kepala dan boleh demam.Sebab tu bila hujan,make sure ada payung...
Cakap pasal hujan ni,teringat zaman kanak2 dulu.Bila hujan turun je,kami adek beradek bermandi hujan.Kebetulan depan rumah ada saliran rumah,air mengalr dengan agak laju,pergi carik buku latihan yang lama2 tu buat kapal kertas,Lumba sapa paling laju.Main tengah2 basah.Ada sekali main sampai hujan berhenti.Buat empang la kononnya.Tahan air guna badan buat bentuk V.Hehe,tahan sampai air bertakung melimpah ruah.Zaman kecik2 apala tau,mak banyak kali suruh panggil balik tapi kerana kami ni kepala keras dari batu selamba main je.Lagi satu,bila hujan je katak2 banyak keluar,time kecik2 aku agak zalim dan jahat kat katak.(Along fobia dengan katak sampai skrg).
Nak kata ku ni berani dengan katak,bawak cangkul sekali takut2 katak tu membesar.Mak pernah cakap,jangandekat denan katak nnt katak kecing dekat mata boleh buta.Aku time tu percaya bulat2 kata mak.Punyalah nak berperang dengan katak time hujan,sanggup cari katak.
**Happy mother's day.Acttually mother's day is every day.nak celoteh panjang,tp sebab programming xjadik .Rindu sama emak di Jelebu.Love u mom very much @ omma saranghaeyo~~
Sekian lama meninggalkan blog ni untuk sekian lamanya,rindu kembali untuk menghidupkan ia balik.Kali ni update blog guna laptop baru.Kenapa laptop baru?sebab desktop lama dah meletup enjinnya.Bukan apa,pagi tu nak onkan desktop tuh,POP bunyi dan asap kluar sekali.Cuak time tu takut2 berlaku litar pintas(cam pintar pintas plak),terus cabut plak.Cek dan hantar kedai,dia kata harddisk aku burn semua data aku dalam kom tu hilang macam gitu je.Sedih tak terkata sebab semua gambar aku dari mula aku sampai Korea sampai la pada saat ia meletup,segalanya ada dalam tuh.Nothing left except kerangka je.My god,sedih tak terkata.Dan ia meletuptepat2 dengan hari aku nak beli laptop baru ni.Pandai ia pilih masa untuk meletup.Apakan daya,yang pergi biarkan pergi,tapi aku geram dan terkilan gambar2 movie2yang aku download pergi begitu sahaja.Its ok,ada laptop baru.,ok relax,,,<walaupon geram>
Sudah setengah semester aku dia SKK,kesimpulannya oklah,standard U.Baru je habes midterm minggu lepas ,habes je exam terus pergi Hanyang menagih kasih saying.cewah¡¦Semalam jugak survey tiket balik summer lepas summer class..KEcundang sebab tiket harga murah dah habes.Padan muka,sapa suruh tak book awal2..yela2 salah aku,bukan apa sebab nak tunggu jadual summer class bila habes.Tapi dah habes,tinggal yang mahal je,xdelah mahal kira beza sket 25% harga murah tu.Its ok,dah book terus bayar ye.
Kalaulah aku.. seekor burung.. akan aku terbang tinggi... tapi tak mungkin... tak mungkin... kerana aku adalah aku... seorang insan yang lemah..
Kalaulah aku.. seekor ikan... akan aku berenang di lautan dalam... tapi tak mungkin... tak mungkin... kerana aku adalah aku... seorang insan yang lemah...
Kalaulah aku... sekuntum bunga... akan aku hiasi dunia seindah yang mungkin... tapi tak mungkin... tak mungkin... kerana aku adalah aku... seorang insan yang lemah...
Kalaulah aku... Kalaulah aku... Kalaulah aku...
kelakar..kelakar... kalaulah aku...
Ahh mengarut semua itu... Yang harus dihadapi ialah realiti bukan fantasi....
cetusan minda
Di dalam mentari terpercik misteri lambaian wajah umpama bidadari kucapai namamu tegak baiduri didalam lamunan kita menari mimpi pasti, datang dan pergi namun pepohon tetap teguh walau berbuah ranting rapuh teguh matlamat jiwa utuh disimbah racun tidakkan luruh.
Ketika entry ni ditulis@ditaip jam menunjukkan jam 5.54ptg,berlokasi di bilik 2307 SKKU dormitory.Petang ni agak sejuk ataupun dingin.Meja aku betul2 sebelah tingkap dan dari bilik aku ni boleh nampak SKKU nyer Library@Samsung Digital Library.tapi aku tak boleh masuk library lagi sebab student card pon belum dapat lagi,katanya minggu depan baru dapat.takpelah,lalu dan tengok pon jadilah.Semalam result SPM keluar,terus ingat kat adik no 4 aku calon spm 08,dan aku baru kol dia nak tanya result dia.Jawapannya "Belum amek lagi lah",,ooo,ok,,fine.<no comment>...Di kesempatan ni nak ucapkan takziah pada rakan aku @paknab yang dapat berita neneknya meninggal dunia.Semoga tabah hendaknya~~^-^
Berkasih sayang Waktu petang cam gini membuatkan aku rindu dekat kampung halaman.Petang2 cam gini selalu bawak adik bongsu aku jalan2 naik motor,selamba naik motor tak berlesen,tapi takpe oleh kerana aku cekap,polis pon tak perasan dalam erti kata lain kecekapan aku mengatasi polis.hihihi,eh jangan cakap besar,kena kat btg idong sendiri br tau..Berbalik pada rindu dekat Malaysia,aku kol no along tadi,tapi adik aku yang angkat,katnya semua pergi kenduri kahwen sepupu aku.La,,baru nak sembang2 tapi takpe aku kol malam nanti,its ok.Actually tertekan dengan report yang banyak,kekurangan nutrisi lagi.Oh tidak,,,Sebabnya 2 hari yang lepas aku pergi lunch dengan family homestay Korea aku.dia ckp"Aigu,,kurusnya(walaupon asalnya aku ni kurus),tak cukup makan ke kat asrama".Aku pon ceritalah yang tak makan daging semua.Terus bawak aku pergi ke mini market sebelh office dia beli epal,canned tuna,kim.Aku datang tangan kosong,balik bawak barang makanan yang makcik@ajumma belikan tadi.lalu aku pulang dengan membawa epal yang egitu banyak dan kim2 berserta tin2 tuna tadi.Betul2 terima kasih la,ni sayang makcik ni ^-^...Tapi sebelum balik dia cakap,"nanti kalu dapur dekat asrama tu dah siap,kol makcik ye,nak kasi kimchi"..Pulak dah,mana aku nak sumbt kimchi tu nanti.Manalah aku ada masa nak wat kimchi chiige,camci chigae semua tu.tapi takpela,orang dah nak kasi kita ambil.Orang kasi kita merasa.Kan?.Kesimpulannya,berbuat baiklah sesama manusia.@_@.Salam.adioszz
***Malam ni lepas dinner plan pergi Lotte mart dengan Kong.Loote mart belakang kampus je e-mart plak depan kampus tp kene jalang sikit.
Salam untuk semua,sudah hampir 2 minggu menjejakn kaki dekat universiti baru,Sungkyunkwan University .Cuma mahu berkongsi serba sedikit tentang kehidupan baru di susasana baru di sini.Aku jadi batch pertama yang masuk ke U baru ni,so keadaan agak tunggang langgang.First time register kelas tambahan lagi dengan kerenah ABEEK .Apa itu ABEEK?..Nanti aku cerita apa itu ABEEK.Mula mula agak canggung untuk mensuaikan diri dekat sini.Tambahan lagi,aku dengan 4 orang kawan lain duduk bilik yang berasingan.Aku duduk dengan mamat jepun,dari Fukuoka katanya.English dia tak berapa sangat,nak aku cakap Jepon?..musthail sekali.So aku speak KOrean denagn dia.At least dia paham dah kira ok daripada jadi cam ayam dengan itik.Haha..Dia umur 27 tahun dalam proses abeskan PhD,dan dia selalu tak ada dalam bilik.Dia dengan aku terbalik sket,aku ke kelas dia tdur,aku tdur dia pg Lab.So kami jarang berbual,nak blaja bahasa jepun pon tak sempat,,hahaha
Dekat sini mengimbau kembali kehidupan aku duduk di asrama time sekolah menengah cuma persekitaran lain je duduk dengan orang negara lain.Vietnam,China,Jepun,American setakt ni yang aku jumpa.Pakistan pon ada selaku Tutor Fizik aku.Alhamdulillah,dekat sini banyak kelas major diajar dalam English.Daripada 7 subjek aku ambil 5 dalam English selebihnya dalam Korean.Kawan Korea?belom jumpa lagi,setakat tegur2 cam tu adalah,berlainan semasa aku di Kolej dulu,mudah mesra dengan kawan Korea..Dekat sini,terasa kerdil je diri ini.-_-...Masing2 dengan hal mereka sendiri.tak seperti Dongyang,boleh lenggang kangkung pergi kelas(itu akulah,orang lain tak tau).
Bab makan.Sangat penting sebab aku ni kuat makan.Dewan makan disediakan tapi tak selalu dpat makan sebabnya ada daging tuuut.Jadi selalulah aku makan luar atau pon beli tuna dalam tin berkati2 lalu disusun rapi dia atas rak buku yang sepatutnya diletak buku.^-^..Ramai korean ingat aku ni tak reti speak korea sebab foreigner dan tau speak english je.Bila aku cakap KOrea je"waa boleh cakap korea"..ada sekali seorang Prof ingat aku tak faham Korea,dia cakapa dengan budak korea lebih kurang camgini"Diorang(aku dengan sorang kawan aku) mesti tak faham Bahasa Korea ~~(sambil ketawa)"..Time ni memang terasa giler2.Takpelah,diorang tak tau..Sabar jelakan...Its ok,i have 2 years to finish my study here.And the new life life begins here at SKK---->Sungkyunkwan University
